To lose what is not there
by Shuri 'in a world of black and white
Summary: People lose as they live. But what about people who had nothing from the start?


_This is a really random fic I came up with only because I was bored out of my mind. Sorry if there are any mistakes or OOC-ness...that's just the mood I am in._

_Written from Rey's point of view, and all these thoughts come from Rey and not me. So don't be harsh on me about the stuff I wrote... I do _not_ hate Lunamaria._

_I know I should be working on my other fics. I am, but at a snail's pace. I just hope this fic lets you all know I'm not dead (yet) and I will update my others... Just maybe not too soon. I'm in the middle of a major environmental change at the moment, making it hard to do anything exactly productive._

_Disclaimer... If I owned Gundam Seed, I wouldn't be writing this, would I? I'd just put it in one of the episodes..._

_Something definitely wrong with the 'insert line' thing... Am I the only one?_

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"We lose as we live."

Someone, _someone_ once said that. I'm not sure if it was said to me personally, or if I read it in some book.

Or maybe, _I_ made that phrase up myself.

But really, now that I think of it, doesn't that short phrase hold much more truth than other hypocritical proverbs? We _do_ lose as we live; it just depends _how much_.

Some people lose little. Like Lunamaria. She lost her sister, yes, and the person whom she loved…but that was it. I know I sound so cold saying that, but aside from those two, she did not lose anything significant in her life. The latter was also more like a high-school crush, which makes it all the more easier to get over.

Some people lose more. Like Shinn. He lost his sister, parents and his country in an instant. He saw his family ripped into pieces in front of him, and all he was left with was that pink cellphone. He lost his childhood and innocence by enrolling in the ZAFT military academy right after that. Then that extended girl he was so attached to was killed by the Freedom.

As for Athrun Zala, I do not know and am not particularly interested. He seemed…and acted like the perfect soldier he supposedly was. Yet, he sometimes had that sad look in his eyes. The look of someone who lost something important. Like Gil when Talia left him. I assume Athrun Zala _did_ lose something…something we probably aren't aware to.

Some people gain as much as they lose. Like Meer Campbell, the fake Lacus Clyne. She lost her face and identity, while she gained the influence and popularity of Lacus Clyne. She gained the singing career she wished for. She, too, died in the end…but that was to protect the real Lacus Clyne, which was her wish anyway. Again, I am aware I might sound too cold to be human… But does it matter? _Am_ I a human in the first place?

People _do_ lose as they live. That is a point I feel to be proven by the many people around me.

But what about those who do not have anything to start with? Like that extended girl …Stellar Loussiere?... and the other two extendeds? Like Rau? Like _me_?

What about _us_, who aren't even human anymore? I am a clone. Rau was a clone. The extendeds were weapons. We aren't human, so does that mean we are exempted from the cruel system of life?

No, I say. Life does not seem to show any sympathy for us or anything else.

The extendeds all died, or were 'disposed' of as the correct term should be. They were robbed of all freedom and rights as a living thing and were treated as things until the very end. Perhaps Stellar Loussiere could be an exception; Shinn, _at least_, treated her as a 'her' instead of an 'it'. Shinn gave her love and protection. I do not know the other two extendeds, so I cannot be entirely sure, yet something tells me they weren't so fortunate. Either way, they all are gone now.

Rau is gone. He was killed in Jachin Due by one of the AA pilots, if I remember correctly. He was the clone of Al Da Fllaga, which I am too, and was raised as his son for a short while. A short while until they found out his telomeres were short, and he was a 'failure'. After that, he became bitter and started hating the world. And he continued hating the world until his death.

Me? I am another one of Al Da Fllaga's failed clone. For some reason which I fail to recognize, Dr. Ulen Hibiki continued making clones after his first failure, resulting in a whole population of Al Da Fllaga look-alikes. I was the only one who made it through infancy, but I was still a failure and they abandoned me.

Somehow, while I was crying alone in the dark laboratory, Rau appeared and took me 'home'. There I met Gil and Talia, who were supposedly Rau's friends… but I somehow sensed they were different from us. They were _normal_, while Rau and I weren't. And I learned the reason shortly after that.

That was when I realized that I had only my life, Rau, Gil and Talia. There was no past or future for me…the existence of Rey Za Burrel was nothing more than a phantom of Al Da Fllaga. Therefore, all I had was the fact I am alive, the fact I am here, and the companionship of the three adults. But Gil and Talia walked out of my life…even if not completely… and Rau died.

I am still alive, and I am here, but that does not exactly mean Rey Za Burrel exists. So it is only logical to think life couldn't possibly get anything from Rey Za Burrel.

A theory which I know to be wrong. Because life does not make any exceptions.


End file.
